Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
