Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I woke up under a house in Key West
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
