I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
