Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
BRING THE BAGELS
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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