if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
