Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
