you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
