you would pick up someone in the library
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
