When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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