Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
