oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
