im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
