I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
