Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize