Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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