Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
