Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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