Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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