I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
