i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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