the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
So many bounce houses so little time
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize