i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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