I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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