brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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