we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize