i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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