I just pynch a tree in the face
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
