Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
