Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize