Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
