I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
