we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
