if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
