I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
