God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
