Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
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