we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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