Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
