just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
