She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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