I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
