she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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