she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
