I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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