Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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