I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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