I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Randomize