We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
