Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
