And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
