i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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