Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
