What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
