like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
