singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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