look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize