Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
