Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
