then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
