Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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