I wish i was in the wii world.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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