You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
