i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
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