I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
