I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
she woke up with a sticky ear
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
