It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
