I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
