So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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