can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
is wine microwaveable?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
