I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
