Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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