I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
