you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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