I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
