The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
