SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
