according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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