I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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