i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
