Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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