just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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