Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
