She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
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