Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
