He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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