i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
