No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I believe in your delicious
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
