It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Randomize
