I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
