Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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