Dude my mom stole all your condoms
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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