Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
