My Higher Power is John Stamos
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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