I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
this beer tastes like vomit already
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
