super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
