Please don't use social media to get back at me.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
