So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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