do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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