this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
