I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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