hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
