I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize