Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
