1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
