If that was your dad, he is hot
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
