True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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