The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
