Plan B is the new Plan A
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
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